Episode 109: Footloose (2011 Film)

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Episode 108: Late Show Host Submission Tape Episode

Zuckerboig

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Episode 107: The Island of Used-Up Child Actors

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Episode 106: Quality–Value–Fun

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Episode 105: Worm Week

oscars 105

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Episode 104: White Vans

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Episode 103: Alabama Kissing Party

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Episode 102: An Overflowing Space Toilet

jrtp duck

studio intern Jush here. This week’s episode is a little less xtreme than I’d like. Like on a scale of grinding fresh powder on top of Mt. Rushmore and visiting the Liberty Bell, this is the visiting-Lincoln’s-birthplace-and-grinding-on-the-edge-of-that-giant-stump of podcasting.
Jon’s guest this week is the very fun and funny Brock Wilbur, who is the kickflipping-off-the-Washington-Monument of podcast guests. Check out his album as well.

but yah its a good episode i mean they do say some pretty rottenlike things about Wayne Static which isn’t cool but as an intern i must remain impartial.

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Episode 101: Wall-D

jrtp101 beiber * * * show notes will hereon be handled by network intern Jush * * * hi all todays episode of jrtp podcast on the BLASTR AUDIO NETWERK is REAL HOT ALL and comedy of REAL SIZE its mad fresh like a day at the mall where you dont buy anything but you didnt have to buy anything? cause you were just having fun with the boys at the emo spencers be sure to rate teh show in ItUNES and like it on thefacebook peeaz Jush

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Episode 100: The Blaster Audio Netwerk

HeadlineCall it a comeback.

Truly I thought that was that for the show. I was at the end of my rope, but then I was handed…another rope. In the form of the Blaster Audio Netwerk! Starting next week, Jon Reads the Paper will be released as part of this prestigious audio conglomerate.

Find out more in this announcement minisode!

I know! I’m excited too!

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Episode 99: 170 People on Facebook can be Wrong

jrtp spongeIf you will, allow me to get REAL with you. It has been a good two years and change that I’ve been doing this podcast and I think it’s time to throw in the towel. My dear pappy always told me: you need to know when to quit, and when to quit is always.

So it’s been quite a ride, but I’ve had my fill. Due to health issues* and financial issues (me not getting paid) I have decided to call it in. Please enjoy this last episode with one Art Hickman.

Sorry I didn’t make it to 100.

 

*not my own**

**not those of anyone I know. Just health issues worldwide and with people in general

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Episode 98: The Real World: Ugly People

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Episode 97: Smash and Slash

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Episode 96: Read Only the Comments

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Episode 95: Smeltsy

jrtp spongeHi people one day in the future from yesterday and four days from Thanksgiving! Did you have a good Thanksgiving, which was three days ago yesterday, when I was thinking about how you might respond to this question about how your Thanksgiving was?

This week’s episode is some manner of a doozy. My guests are Venu Mattraw and Klaus, a local actor and playwright. I don’t have much else to say about them. Just enjoy the episode!

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Episode 94: Cookies.

jrtp traffic stop

Happy coincidental (but commercially exploitable) conjoining of popular holidays!

I hope you’re having a safe and happy Hallowumbus (we all know how dangerous Hallowumbus can be). As you sit back in your recliner, glass of sherry in your hand, the dog bringing you slippers and pipe, why not ask the dog to bring your mp3-playing-device as well and enjoy a nice new episode of Jon Reads the Paper?

Don Frost joins me this week as we tear through the Oregonian (by way of Parade magazine). Don is one of my favorite comics in town, so be sure to consume everything that he does!

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Episode 93: Hallowumbus Day

JRTP gothic

And a Hearty Hallowumbus to you too! Coming straight at you from two days in the past, it’s yesterday’s news. Join my self and Nariko Ott as we devote most of our conversation to the intense battle between Homeland and The Good Wife. WHO WILL WIN?*

*We all of us win.

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Episode 92: Owl Boy Leaves Hospital

jrtp92pupPut on that opinion cap; it’s time for Jon Reads the Paper!

Joining me this week are Comedy Palz Jimmy Newstetter and Christian Ricketts who are both empirically the best. You might remember them from comedy and being on this podcast other times. And for their charity work!

As we get nearer to 100 episodes, I’d like to engineer some sort of milestone episode for #100. Some big-deal sort of thing. Perhaps a fireworks episode? Jon reads the fireworks packaging.

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Episode 91: Bob Dylan’s NetForce

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Episode 90: Any Given Sunday

jrtp redskin

I had to search and make sure I didn’t title another episode “Any Given Sunday,” because it’s such a bad title I surely had used it by now. But here it is. All original.

I made sure.

I Googled it.

Maybe my favorite tag on any joke is when the comic says that. Because entering the joke as you tell it, word-for-word, into a search engine is an airtight way to be sure that somebody didn’t come up with the same joke.

That was my two-sentence rant about amateur comedy. Enjoy the podcast!

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Episode 89: Shoetopia

I am pretty jazzed with this episode. I even monologize and try to make enemies! Steven Wilber (you know him from vine) joins me this week. I know this is a brief description, but if you’re interested in being my enemy, drop a line!

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Episode 88: Frappuccinos and Firearms

jrtppopeI’m way sorry if this is how you have to hear the news. On a podcast. That you can’t take your gun into the Starbucks anymore. It’s fiercely uncool and totally impinging on my ability to be a free American. Yours too.

I guess all we can do is pick up the pieces and carry on. So carry along with us. Whitney Streed joins me this week as we discuss guns, the Pope, and the lack of coverage of Kenya (it turns out you can’t cover news that hasn’t happened yet).

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Episode 87: More Than a Dozen

jrtp brommerWhat is it that makes a men, hm? Is it duty? Honor? A tireless crusade to make hemp legal while maintaining status as the only non-hippie in the lobby?

Who knows? David Mascorro does. He sure does. Please enjoy this chat between him and I and him over this Sunday’s Oregonian.

Oh, and come to Helium on Thursday, September 19 for the Host Auditions. I am one of the select few and somewhat-proud.

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Episode 86: Sea of Gloves

jrtp drakeTynan Delong! You know him from Frasier Jr. From playing Ryan Gosling in “Only God Forgives.” From New York. Now. Know him from this appearance on Jon Reads the Paper!

I’m also quite excited to say we have a new sponsor on this week’s episode. I might recommend checking out our previous sponsored episode, #26: Shoe City, because, well, it’s not necessary but it provides context.

Otherwise, keep it etc!

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Episode 85: SUPERCOMPUTER! Live at Dante’s

jrtp supacomputerThat is right! One more live episode coming to your ears. It’s been too long.

This time, I sidelined the news, and we read Choose Your Own Adventure book #39: SUPERCOMPUTER. My wonderful panel includes Brian Nickerson, Jason Traeger, Joann Schinderle, Dan Weber, Jimmy Newstetter, Shane Torres and Steven Wilber.

Enjoy it or something!

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Episode 84: 12% of a Sunday

jrtpbuzzardSuper Fantastic episode this week! I’ve been meaning to get her on the show, and finally, via the miracle of Skype, I present my rad and talented sister Erin! Any slowness to the conversation is my fault; I thought it would be funny to try and delay talking about the newspaper for as long as I could, essentially stalling the episode on purpose.

What results is a typical conversation I have with my sister. And those are my favorite conversations.

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Episode 83: Cremains

jrtp wingmanIt’s always wonderful when a plan comes together. Like on the Mr. T show.

This week, I finally get Marissa Louise on the show. She’s an excellent illustrator, a former co-worker, and all-around great person. We talk about Ed Snowden, independent film, and wingmen. I’m fairly certain I fail to explain all these things. Enjoy it!

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Episode 82: Love in the Fast Lane

jrtp 82Joy of joys, it is another podcast episode of my podcast!

This week, the delightful Jeremy Eli  (I don’t have a link for him, but…you know) jumps into the fray to untangle Carlos Danger, Danica Patrick, and BEARS.  Truly, this is the most terrifying episode of Jon Reads the Paper.

Please and enjoy and such.

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Episode 81: Beerability

jrtp81What a super time we had on this week’s episode! For some reason during the episode I try to make the guests a surprise, but for the sake of backlinks (if I used that term correctly; I probably did not) I will name them and say that I had a great time with Barbara Holm and Christian Ricketts. I don’t know what more there is to say in these notes other than, you know, follow me on twitter and write a review on the ol’ iTunes.

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Episode 80: Conversation Robot

SHOW NOTES TO FOLLOW! JUST ENJOY THE GOODNESS

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Episode 79: Can You Hear Me Now?

ap_edward_snowden_dm_130610_wgHULLO. This is a hyper-interesting episode of Jon Reads the Paper. This week I take my first call, and not just any call, but an interview with a Newsmaker, in what I like to call our new NEWSMAKERS segment. Please tweet at me or email at me whatcha think of the variety of format; I’d love to know how much you love it.

Super Special Thanks to:

Tom Johnson

Anatoli Brant

Nick Walker

Everyone else can go soak their respective heads.

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Episode 78: Khakis and Kids

jrtp lampreyAnother week, another newspaper inches closer to its fate. The Oregonian recently announced huge cutbacks on staff and delivery frequency as print media flops around and tries to figure out what’s up. Blithely criticizing it with me this week is Zak Toscani, comedian and all-around good folk. Enjoy!

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Episode 77: Fun Guns

jrtp77This was a gosh-darned fun episode to do. This week we have Curtis Cook in the building, talking about the Pacific Northwest and our collective desire to leave. Please check out Curtis; he’s doing some of my favorite comedy in town these days.

Those days, not so much.

 

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Episode 76: Every Breath You Take

jrtp carIt’s always hard when your favorite character leaves a show. This episode is a tearful goodbye to great guest and great guy Jeff Oliver, who was not just a character on this show, but a a character IN OUR LIVES.

Otherwise, please come to Helium Friday, June 7, at 7:30 for my preliminary round of the Portland’s Funniest Person Contest. It’s a real thing. That can’t be denied. Email me if you wanna go for free.

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Episode 75: Boy Scouts

jrtp racecarThis week I step into the octagon with Shane Torres, all-around good guy. I’m not sure what else to say here; we pretty much say everything in the show. Enjoy it; it’s one of the good ones! (There are no bad ones, though)

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Episode 74: The Slatest

4882320080_5e94151e43_oNick Walker joins me in a monumental task in Jon Reads the Paper history. This week, I’ve been afforded an amazing opportunity in the “journalism” world. I can’t say much more and you should probably just enjoy the episode instead of reading these notes that nobody reads.

 

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Episode 73: Tubalicious

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERASometimes I’m not sure if there is a point to the show notes. If you read the show notes, and email me, I will send you a quarter of a dollar. That’s twenty-five cents American.

This week I have Art Santana on for a chat. He works at Ground Kontrol, one of my favorite places in Portland! We talk about the shape apple pie comes in and eating cinnamon and just food and its extremes in general. It was a genial time. Come get genial with us, won’t you?

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Episode 72: Pope Book

What a pleasure this week has been, what with all the art theft and recovery.

I’m way glad to have Xander Deveaux on the show this week, fresh off a super notable appearance on the Paul Goebles Show with Gallagher (of racism fame). Please enjoy us as we stumble through yesterday’s New York Times!

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Episode 71: Friendship Festival

I don’t know what to say. It’s been a stellar weekend for me. The 2013 Bridgetown Comedy festival has come and passed, and now I’m posting a podcast from during it. As far as I can tell, a big part of Bridgetown is comics doing one another’s podcast during the daytime as they recover from the daydrinking of the day before.

Emmett Montgomery joins me this week in splendor! He dresses like a classy whaler and is truly a delight of a human being.

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Episode 70: Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome

jrtp harrisonWe are mere days away from Bridgetown (my first as a performer). Every sort of pride, stress, excitement and joy to be found in Portland comedy is this coming weekend. If you’re in town, check it out. There’s no better opportunity to see some of Portland’s best mixed in with the whole nation’s best. And Nature’s Best as well.

In our excitement, I bring you Ian Karmel, who is always a joy in reality and on the show. You can hear his past appearances here and here, if you so want and wish.

Otherwise, check out my schedule for the weekend to see when you can catch some greatness. Unoficially, you can also see me at midnight at Ground Kontrol on the 18th, with other Bridgetowners Gabe Dinger, Andrew Orvedahl, and Jake Weisman, and hosted by none other than Ian.

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Episode 69: Hornets! Hornets!

Paul Jay, Zak Toscani, Anthony Lopez, and Sean Jordan all make a giant podcasting sandwich with me today. Come take a bite of this sandwich it isn’t weird you’re the one making it that way.

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Episode 68: From Dusk ’til Lon

068 Lonnie

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Episode 67: Gina, I love you

Let’s not make every post the “I haven’t posted here in a while” post. I’ma get better about punctuality.

Part of why this episode took so long was schedule calibration. Like a month ago, I had Nic Goans on the show, but the episode just wasn’t my favorite (a lot of intermittent crying, most of it unplanned) so I wanted a do-over. And here it is, and it is well worth the wait. Enjoy it nonetheless.

I want you to know this was the first time I ever spelled “nonetheless” right the first time.

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Episode 66: Angels and Demons

JRTP 66 ShipBack again as if nothing ever happened, it’s one more episode of Jon Reads the Paper!

This was quite probably one of the most fun episodes I’ve done. There was plenty in the news what with that broken boat and the pope quit and the President made a speech. Navigating these stagnant waters with me this week is Anthony Lopez, one of the funniest people I know.

Oh, and I forgot to mention what happened with the live episode on this episode. Maybe next episode. Great, now I’m having an episode. ACK!

That last paragraph was a “Cathy” cartoon strip.

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Episode 65: Master Splinter

HeadlineI’m experiencing a lot of guilt about how long I sat on this episode. I may or may not have mentioned, but I moved a couple of weeks ago, and I haven’t yet set up internet service. The building I moved into provides a free–but very slow–connection, and it can’t handle uploading a 45-megabyte file.

Still, this week’s episode is a great one. I’m happy to have Campy Draper (producer of the Spicy News and recent progenitor of Tweets of Lore) and Mandy Alietta (also of the Spicy News and general awesomeness) on the show this week.

And, if you haven’t made your plan for this Thursday yet, write in the second ever Live Taping of Jon Reads the Paper into your calendar! It’s gonna be quite rad.

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Episode 64: The Axes of Evil

jrtp 64 catI have no real excuse for putting this episode out so late other than I just moved and don’t have an internet connection at home and that’s more of a reason than an excuse.

Right now I’m in a crepe place and I came here thinking it would be more of a cafe but it seems like more of a sit down and have dinner or have dessert when you’re the kinda person who treats dessert as its own separate outing like you ate at home but you went out for dessert kind of place. And on top of that, there’s only one outlet in here and it’s right next to the one other person in here so I’m just right over her shoulder frantically ticking and ticking and ticking away at this keyboard I bet it’s really cheesing her off.

Very happy to have Alex Falcone on the show, who was nice enough to let me use his equipment. Kind of made me feel like I was on his show, Read it and Weep. (What a seamless plug!) Joining as well is Barbara Holm, who writes on Falcone’s Late Night Action and is a delightful person to boot!

And remember: the second live taping of Jon Reads the Paper goes down Thursday, February 7 at the Tonic Lounge! Be at there!

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Episode 63: Dr. Mike’s Vasectomy Reversal

jrtp flu

Such goodness this week. According to massive media, you’re all sick with the flu. So once you’re sick of all that sweet sweet daytime television programming, why not pump a little Jon Reads the Paper into your system?

This week, I have Jeff Oliver and Steven Wilber help me make heads and tails of, well, mostly television. It’s just so hard to watch television these days, y’know?

In the good news department, I’m happy to announce the second ever live taping of Jon Reads the Paper! Thursday, February 7, at the Tonic Lounge in sunny Portland! Tell your friends! Stay tuned for the lineup!

Otherwise, make sure to write a review on iTunes, as always!

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Episode 62: Smart House

jrtp smarhouseYeah. I’m sure you thought you were off the hook. You’re not.

You’re just not.

Coming back at you, in full force, it’s one more episode of Jon Reads the Paper! This week I’ve got Gabe Dinger and Christian Ricketts joining me. It gets fun. It gets serious. It gets somewhere in between. Truly I enjoyed this episode, as you will. By force. You have to enjoy this podcast.

You also have to leave a review on iTunes.

And you have to like us on Facebook.

Cheers.

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Episode 61: Rosebud

The Sunday New York Times is insane. It turns out there’s a lot of news that’s fit to print. We didn’t even get to any of the stuff by that puzzle dude from the radio.

Marcia Belksy joins me this week as we talk about the Apocalypse, death, murder, murderdeath, and Facebook. Truly it was a delight.

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Episode 60: King Rat

“Maybe my second-favorite thing about the internet.”

-Shane Torres

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Episode 59: Jon Reads the Menu

The other week, I was about to get in a car with some other comics to do a show out of town, and almost took my mic and laptop with me, thinking: “Four funny people in a car? That’s a podcast.”  Sometimes I’m about to go to the grocery, and I think: “Hey, maybe I should make a podcast of this.” I’m still deciding whether or not to release the running commentary I recorded while pulling an ingrown hair.

Luckily, Nick Walker and Tynan Delong had a similar idea. Join us, won’t you, as we present a special episode of Jon Reads the Paper: Jon Reads the Menu, recorded at the Hungry Tiger Too.

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Episode 58: Powering Down

This is it: the post-election relief episode! I’m pretty glad to be out of the thick of the election and can go back to being secure in my lack of informative-ness.

This week, we’ve got Chuck Frederickson of the Chuck N Buck Show, which you can go see at Dante’s every Tuesday at 10. This coming Tuesday, I’ll be on the bill as the comedian guest. In other news, always be sure to email the show,
and leave butt-tons of compliments on iTunes!

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Episode 56: Bullets and Botox

Laugh all you want at these sexy nurse Halloween costumes, but god forbid you get in a sexy automobile accident and need a sexy blood transfusion. Ha ha ha. But seriously. We’re deep into the fall, the election’s just puttering away, and omigawd I’m putting pumpkin in everything.

This week sees the delightful Andie Main joining me on such topics as Big Bird, Botox, Boy Scouts and Gentleman Giraffes. It was a delightful chat. There were even callbacks! And animal death. Lots of animal death.

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Episode 55: Cops with Laptops

So how about that debate last night? I didn’t watch it, but I’m loving these memes. Can’t get enough of these memes. As soon as I walked into that bar, and they were playing the after-the-debate coverage, I knew this would be one meme-worthy debate. And boy howdy, did the internet prove me right!

Oh, and during the debate, I was doing this podcast with Nick Walker. He was funny. We both was funny, really. Get down!

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Episode 54: Confirmed Bachelors

I can only apologize so many times. We skipped last week due to geographical shift and general laziness. But this week’s Jon reads the Paper is way thematically appropriate!

New Roommate and General Good Guy Phil Schallberger joins me as I read the Oregonian that shows up on our porch mysteriously every day. It’s like that show “Morning Edition,” except we get the same paper that everybody else does. Listen to us delve through the mire of election politics! It’s fun of course!

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Episode 53: Something Unpredictable

Truly, it is. But, in the end, it’s right.

This week, I have long-time listener, first-time caller Zak Toscani on the show. It’s a good one. We talk about Harry Potter, Green Day, and No Doubt. You know, important stuff. And we only digress into Portland Comedy talk like twice!

I hope you have the time of your lives, listeners.

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Episode 52: Say Hello

This week I have little friend of the show Tynan Delong on, after way too long. Get as much of this kid as you can; he’s moving to New York soon and you’ll want to be able to say you knew him when he was in short pants. They’ve got a weird dress code thing in NYC. Keep yourselves glued to the Facebook and my Twitter; I’ll soon be announcing a second live episode of the show. Excitement! And again, thanks for bearing with the rather erratic schedule of the show as of late!

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Episode 51: One Good Singularity

Hi persons, places and things! After one busy week off, I’m throwing you a rare, shambling orphan episode! It’s been like six months since I’ve done this, but I bring you one more guestless episode, in honor of what I thought was the year anniversary of the show.

I’m in the process of a move, and admittedly, have been very spotty at getting episodes of the show done. This might continue through to October, but please bear with me as I slowly right the ship. We will be sailing ahead at full steam as Fall comes upon us.

For now, enjoy and stuff.

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Episode 50: Live on Ice!

Hello Internet!

It’s so great to bring you today’s episode, recorded live at the Tonic Lounge on a dimming August 22nd evening.

This show went very well and I totally didn’t have any stress dreams about the sound not working or the microphones turning into butter. Luckily, you can at least faintly catch the audience’s approval, along with the tinkling keys of Mr. Ira Novos, who randomly appeared like so many wild Pokemon.

Of course I’d like to thank Danny Felts, Stephanie Purtle, Kyle Harbert, Jessie McCoy, Christian Rickets, Whitney Streed, Gabe Dinger and Ian Karmel for coming out. Email Me your feedbacks, and hopefully we’ll be seeing another live show come around real soon!

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Episode 49: Wookieleaks

I’ve been quite excited to have this week’s guest, Nathan Brannon, on the show. When I started doing comedy in Portland, he was one of the most funny and relatable voices I found on the local scene. In the last year and a half, I’ve only seen him get bigger and better. Enjoy!

In other news, tonight’s the night! Jon Reads the Paper Live on Ice is happening at the Tonic Lounge at 9:30. Come out! It’ll be good. If you’re out of state or don’t know what’s good for you or something, the episode will be up next week. Even the Portland Mercury and Oregonlive recognize my rad-ness! Excitement!

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Episode 48: What’s News

People! Yes! Today’s episode brings our first look at the Wall Street Journal since Nic and Campy and I tackled it like before last Christmas.

Delving into the abyss with me is the always-game Arthur Hickman. This is a grand old episode that I have nothing bad to say about until maybe later when I finally listen to it.

Otherwise, get yourself in gear for Wednesday’s Jon Reads the Paper Live on Ice! We’ve recieved brief writeups in both the Mercury and on OregonLive’s Hotlist. It’s going to be great; I’ve been having weird dreams about it not working out!

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Episode 47: Cheese Bizkit

This is something of a tardy episode. But then again, it’s also an episode where we talk a bit about Linkin Park. So, you know, angst and tardiness go hand in hand.

This week I have the irascible Dan Duncan on the mic. We go over the Oregonian, talking fluoride, Olympics, and Shark Week. I hope you get this as it’s coming out, because I’d like to imagine you tucked in bed and listening in your jammies. Not in a weird way; just a mildly distressing way.

And, of course, remember that Jon Reads the Paper Live on Ice happens in less than two weeks! We’d love to see all of you there!

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Episode 46: Bootanical Gardens

So much happening in the world! London 2012! Mitt Romney! The iPhone!

So mostly this week we talk about the Hobbit. I mean, three movies? What the hell? This week I have Scoot Herring in the basement. Be sure to check out Rippletron, and his yet-to-be-titled Dungeons and Dragons project.

And our live show is coming up soon! August 22nd, 9:30pm at the Tonic Lounge in Portland! It’s going to be quite rad.

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Episode 45: Meet Cute

What a pleasant surprise this week’s episode is. I walked away from recording yesterday with a sense of dissatisfaction that I misinterpreted as being me not liking the result of a very odd chat with Steven Wilber and Mandie Allietta. It turns out that dissatisfaction came from my realization that I’d have to now return to the boring hum-drum of everyday life. So here it is, world: an hour of reprieve from your dull-ass lives.

Cheers.

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Episode 44: Walla Walla

Let’s get into it, son!

This week, I talk about cancer, blood, death and onions with Sean Jordan. I think we keep it relatively light; it was hard to find a positive spin on all that onion stuff.

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Episode 43: Zoot Suit Riot (Riot)

Oh my goodness. It’s America’s birthday and I couldn’t be more in observance of it. But today, as you nurse your corn and potato salad hangovers, treat yourself to a little Jon Reads the Paper. Listen while you mow the lawn down to sort of match the burned-away patches from those illegal fireworks you didn’t take much time thinking of placement before you set them off.

Jimmy Newstetter guests.

Don’t make him angry. Listen to the episode.

 

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Episode 42: Panic!

And so we have the second appearance of the great Shane Torres on the podcats. If you haven’t listened to Shane’s first episode, please enjoy that one at your leisure. It’s one of my favorites for our ability to both make laughs and keep it real.

This episode leans more towards the real, so prepare yourself for that. Still, there’s a lot of stuff about Elmo and basketball, so be ready for some megalaffs.

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Episode 41: mSurface

Throw out your iPads, all of them you own. There’s a new tablet in town, and it’s quite set to gently blow your mind.

This week, Danny Felts (of the Spicy News Network and general video awesomeness) and I finally sit down for a one-on-one episode. Mostly we complain about technology and people our age. It’s awesome!

And, as always, be sure to like Jon Reads the Paper on Facebook, and leave some manner of delightful comment on the iTunes!

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Episode 40: Pride and Prejudice

It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Pride! Living in the liberal burg of Portland certainly helps put Pride at the forefront of my awareness. It’s finally sunny out, perfect parade weather. And you all know how devoted to parades I am.

Super devoted.

This week I have “Portland’s Funniest Person” semifinalist Xander Deveaux on the show to discuss the Portland Mercury’s Pride Issue. We talk about marriage, mainly, since that’s the topic the Mercury decided to focus on as well. Antics! I mostly worry myself about being insensitive. It’s fun!

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Episode 39: Father-Son Space Movies

I really feel like we broke through this week. It’s been 37 episodes since I last tried to mine the Old Grey Horsefucker for humor laffs. That episode came off fine, if a bit uneasy and dry. Now I know that the problem was me all along, because this week Whitney Streed and I did it! We read the New York Times and at least made one another giggle consistently. So I guess I’m saying I hope you’re into consistent giggling, because it’s going to be a bit part of the next sixty minutes of your life.

And I mentioned it at the end of the show, but next Friday, June 8th, is Helium’s Portland’s Funniest Person Contest. It’s a contest, which means it’s super-relevant and important. Come on out; my round is at 7:30. Mention my name when you call for tickets and get two for ten bucks. Or e-mail me an e-mail to try and get on the comp list!

Self-Promotion!

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Episode 38: Ribbers and Razzers

Sometimes you try to do a good thing. You try to help out a couple of old-timer comics making their way through a press junket by having them on your show. And sometimes they razz you. And that’s just not okay.

I have a lot of conflicted feelings about this week’s episode. A lot. But I decided to be the bigger man, and put the episode out. Were they jerks? Was I overreacting? You decide. There’s only one right answer, but you decide.

 

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Episode 37: Mister Moviefone

I’m quite glad to have Christen Manville back in the show this week. We hit one of the most nagging topics in my brainspace for quite some time: the fate of Mister Moviefone. I can’t tell you what happened to him; you’ll just have to listen and find out.

Oh, and time-traveling Obama. That is all.

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Episode 36: Charles Dickens Elementary

Oh, hello. Didn’t see you come in.

Hiding something? Behind my back? Oh, this? This is nothing; just a little present.

It’s an episode of Jon Reads the Paper, just sorta threw it together. Thought you might like it.

There’s some pretty interesting news in the world. Some airplanes fell out of the sky and I learned what a duck boat is. And the President announced his support of gay marriage. Shampoo magnate Phil Schallberger joined me to discuss these current events. His insights are all hard-hitting, incisive, and often about Pokemon.

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Episode 35: Red Asphalt

I’m way excited this week to bring you a new cultural perspective. After many weeks and months of presenting you with the whitebread angle of the Oregonian, I’m proud to launch the Columbian directly at your face (if you consider your ears a part of the face) and give you a whole new whitebread angle for your butt to ruminate on.

Jeff Oliver joins me this week as we navigate underemployment, film concession studies, and the menace behind the wheel we call the elderly. If you’re in the Portland (or Clark County) area, please come down Thursday, April 26 and see us rock your socks off of you at Ground Kontrol for No Pun Intendo.

And Happy Birthday to Packy the Elephant.

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Episode 34: Talkin’ Shop

This is a nice, mellow little episode. The Bridgetown Comedy Festival was in town this weekend, and along with it, Seth Milstein. Seth drops by with the Eugene Weekly, which we don’t give too much attention, as we’re having such a pleasant little conversation about life, the universe, and maybe a dash of comedy shop talk.

 

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Episode 33: Breadstix!

It’s only one flipping day into the 2012 Bridgetown Comedy Festival and I am all manner of beat. There’s a billion amazing comics and shows this weekend, and I just got done hanging things on walls and putting ice in things that are meant to hold ice. All that after a morning of job work, and I’ve managed to bring you another crackerjack episode of Jon Reads the Paper to boot.

Bridgetown performer Christian Ricketts joins me today to read the USAToday to discuss Indiana Jones, Tornado Races, and the Snapple Lady. You know you miss her as much as I do. You can see Christian’s performer sched on the sched page of www.BridgetownComedyFestival2012SponsoredByPabstBlueRibbon.com

 

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Episode 32: One Million Jon Washingtons

I know all of you all have been griping about the lack of sperm talk on this podcast. It’s been weighing heavy on my mind as well. Sperm has been weighing heavy on my mind.

So talking about sperm with me this week is Shane Torres, super fantastick comedian and upcoming Bridgetown Comedy Festival performer. This is the longest episode of Jon Reads the Paper yet, and every minute is pure gold.

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Episode 31: 5-Minute Rule

I think that saying too much about this episode could ruin the novelty, which, in the end, is all this episode has. Tim Anderson, Zach Cole, Danny Felts, Bryan Fernando, Iris Gorman, Venu Mattraw, Jimmy Newstetter, Stephanie Purtle, Christian Ricketts, Phil Schallberger, Whitney Streed, and Steven Wilber: Thank you all for going along with it.

And thanks to you, the listener, who actually had a say in the matter and could’ve just turned the episode off.

Unless you did. Then I have nothing to say to you.

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Episode 29: Pink Polo

Hi bros and such!

I’m way proud to say that Jon Reads the Paper is now a prize-winning show. Prestige! It’s now “the prize-winning podcast, Jon Reads the Paper.” Keep those e-mails coming, especially the link exchanges and wonderful cash euro prizes.

This week I have the wonderful Jessie McCoy in the studio department with me reading the Asian Reporter. We talk about riding the bus!

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Episode 28: Xtreme Poverty

I’m Xtremely happy to have Jen Allen on this week’s episode! We get into the Oregonian, which means there’s plenty of talk of Skull and Bones, Powerball, and Internet Safety. I also get into some weird talk about what’s happening in my work life, which is always a totally professional move to make whilst doing podcasting.

In other housekeeping, I’m urging you fervently to send me your emails! Stories, feedback, general fat-chewing. I want to hear it all!

Oh, and if you wanna hear that This American Life Episode I allude to, you can hear it here. But listen to every episode of my show first.

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Episode 27: Episode of the Dragon

Yesterday we recorded a very special Leap Day episode. And keeping with the relevance of Leap Day, we’re reading the Southeast Examiner, which is chock-full of stuff that totally applies to you and me. Watch out for that pool closure!

We also have dual guests this week. Stephanie Purtle, formerly a comic out of Eugene, now a Portland resident. Helping me explain to her the ostentatious mundanity of Portland is Danny Felts, from the Spicy News Network. Make sure to bring your kombucha bottles to the curb for recylcing: it’s time for Jon Reads the Paper!

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Episode 26: Shoe City

Hey Gang!

This week’s episode is brought to you by Shoe City! Come on down for our Post-President’s-Day Sale! Tell ‘em Jon sent you!

Today I’m reading the USAToday with Tynan Delong, and I’m here to say that we really get into it. This week’s news includes Siri, the Oscars, and that unfortunate incident where all Afghanistan burned down.

Get into it! Also, admire our new logo! Write a comment on iTunes and like us on Facebook!

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Episode 25: My God it’s Full of Star Wars

The Star Wars references (and reverence) hits critical overload this week, with a blast from the past. Rather than produce new content, this episode is a special archival clip from the early years of Jon Reads the Paper, all the way back in 1998, when Lou Bega was a thing.

Joining me this week (in both the present and past tenses) is the perennially nervous Steven Wilber. He’s a very funny man, who is woefully wrong: this episode, controversial as it may be, must see the light of day.

Tune in next week for something less disappointing.

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Episode 24: Jedi Hell

Happy Football Equivalent of Boxing Day!

Today’s episode was recorded on Superbowl Eve, so we don’t have all the details, but I assure you, we do quite a job of hiding it! So congratulations to the winning team! Wasn’t it crazy when they did that thing that made it a sure thing they’d win? I wish them well in the coming season and hope they return well-rested from whichever Disney theme park they elect to visit.

This week in the studio department I have the illustrious Ian Karmel, man about town. He knows more about sports than I do (it’s a fact), and possibly even more about Star Wars (that’s doubtful). Find him on the Facebook (of which we all now own stock of, right?) and the Twitter.

But seriously, how ’bout that halftime show? They must’ve spent more on codpieces than Rick Santorum does on SEOs (zing).

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Episode 23: Cows.

It’s a good day to be a podcasting person guy. Continuing from my appearance on the Nobody Showcase earlier this month, I’m bringing on Scoot ‘n’ Troy from Rippletron to read the Oregonian.

Rippletron’s a show I stay on top of that has plenty of crossover guests from past JRTP (and future!) episodes. I’ve been their guest in the past and I’ll be their guest later this week.

But before you abandon this ship for the other, more nerdy, podcast waters, get a load of this rather bulbous episode of paper-reading. Double your guests! Double your fun!

Lastly, get on board with Facebook! I’m making it my own personal goal to say “100 people on Facebook can’t be wrong” at the top of next week’s episode.

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Episode 22: Dude Tude


It’s been a moment since I’ve done an episode like this. Lack of planning and schedule alignment have resulted in the first solo Jon Reads the Paper since the debacle of Episode 9.

I’m not sure what there is to say about this episode; I forget most of the things I said in my coffee-addled stupor. I know I’d like to dedicate this episode to my cat, who has been there for me, against her will, this whole time.

 

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Episode 21: Goodie Monster

This week I have on the show Nick Walker, who has never button mashed in a Zelda game. We take a vaguely cynical look at hipster culture through the lens of the obscure weekly Chinatown Newspaper, a publication described on its own website as “Hip, edgy, comical, professional, and raw.”

So if you’re looking for hip, edgy, professionally comic rawness, you’re in luck.

Also in this episode, we find out just how much I love to talk about how much I hate the movie “Daredevil.”

It’s a lot.

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Episode 20: Mice on Toast

This episode brought to you by General Electric and the Mayonnaise Advisory Board-source of the best advice for mayo, from mayo.

I’m very proud to say today’s guest is the nonplussed and political Tom Johnson, of sunny downtown Portland’s Brody Theater! Together we get into the new-sponge-dryness that is the New York Times (or the Old Grey Horsefucker, according to Mr. James Newstetter) and wring out that last bit of funny.

And, in other news, I made an appearance on this Week’s Nobody Showcase with Nic Goans and Campy Draper, who you may remember from our delightful foray into the Wall Street Journal!

 

 

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Episode 19: Hee Haw

This marks the first episode of Jon Reads the Paper with a high five in it.

Monumental.

Great thanks to my sister Erin Washington for her Jesus Birthday drawing of Jean-Paul StarTrek. Isn’t it nice? Of course it is, don’t be silly.

Also today marks the return of Christen Manville as my guest ghost. This is a good episode. We’ve got cemeteries, cops, Wookiepedia, and insipid sluts.

And as always, be sure to become a fan on facebook, and leave a comment in iTunes. It’s the only way to help me turn the nonbelievers.

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Episode #18: Everyone Got Maced This Year

This week’s Jon Reads the Paper: A How-To Guide on Getting in the Way of Things.
  • Kittens
  • Xander Deveaux
  • Slingshot
  • Everyone got maced this year
  • Dumpsters

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Episode #17: Ray Ray Menudo: Portrait of a Hired Killer

Look out gang, it’s a phantom episode of Jon Reads the Paper!

That’s right, instead of talking about anything actually relevant, I have Jay Jay Menudo in the studio apartment with me to discuss the future. It’s a highly improbable story, torn from the…pages…of the Twilight Zone.

So grab your longboard, sit yourself close to the ipod with a mug of macaroni hot chocolate, and listen to the story of the man in the glass tower, all by himself with his lady friend.

 

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Episode #16: Historians is What We Are

Hey kids. It’s time for me to tell you the story of how I read the paper.

This week I read The Asian Reporter with Ahmad Radheyyan, who also happened to be holding me under hostage in my apartment at the time. Fresca was had by all.

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Episode #15: Robert McDonald

For realsies. Go to the Google website and Google internet search “Hand in wheat field” and prepare yourself for that deluge of Getty Images. It is insane. Literally certifiable.

Today’s Jon Reads the Paper brings you Grace Sadie. Join us, won’t you, as we talk about wheat fields, dead giraffes, movies that make us cry, the “no man,” and How to Get the Money.

But we definitely don’t talk about “Crazy Stupid Love.” Definitely not that.

Also, I’m not a Nazi. So stop thinking that.

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Episode #14: The War on Fun

The best part of today’s Jon Reads the Paper is at the five-minute mark, when I inform my guests Nick Goans and Campy Draper of the Nobody Showcase that we’ll be reading the Wall Street Journal.

Very quickly it turns out, the joke is on all three of us.

Join us, will you, as we navigate sci-fi, occupy, shake weight, and Tom Cruise’s stolen eyeballs. We’ll be your dungeonmasters through this barrow den we call current events. So be sure to put on your cloak of +1 fun, ’cause fun is the thing we’ll be having.

Also, please feel free to email me at Jon@ReadsthePaper.com and let me know what the heck an IPO is. I act like I know, but I really don’t.

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Episode #13: Mime Travel

You thought there would be no paper-reading this week, what with all the Thanksgiving going down. I’m kinda disappointed in you for that.

Don’t worry, though. I’m totally the forgiving type. Here, have an episode of Jon Reads the Paper to make you feel better.

There. Now you see, there wasn’t anything to get all upset about, now was there? Don’t you feel a little silly, getting upset at a website? If not, you should.

So hey, here’s a pre-taped, speculative episode of Jon Reads the Paper for you. On Saturday, Tynan Delong and I went ahead and guessed what would be happening in the news today, and I think you’ll find we’re pretty on the nose about everything.

Enjoy, and happy Thanksgiving!

 

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Episode #12: Bacon Egg Bun

There’s a time and a place for everything and now’s not the time for either.

Now’s the time for Jon Reads the Paper. And today, we’re reading Street Roots, which means it’s also time for guilt!

In the apartment with me today is Christian Ricketts, another privileged white male. Join us as we mock the less-fortunate and deny our complicity in this Macarena dance that we call society!

Polio! Stagnant water! Erasers! Turkeys! Beware of all these things this week, on Jon Reads the Paper!

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Episode #11: Gold Fever

It’s only just now that I realized that the eleventh episode of Jon Reads the Paper comes out on 11/11/11. Eerie, no?

Today’s episode marks our first return guest ghost, in one Mister James Newstetter. Join us, won’t you, as we read about Occupy Portland, Billy Crystal, Richard Nixon, Thrillings, and grocery store gas stations.

This episode brought to you but the good, totalitarian folks at Evolution Fresh, Inc.

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Episode #10: Solid Goat

Buck up, Buttercup!

Things can’t be all that bad if you’ve got yourself an episode of Jon Reads the Paper all up in your grill. Today I’m pleased as punch to bring you a reading of the Oregonian with Christen Manville, preceded by a digression on Zombies and Harry Potter.

A little housekeeping: for the last couple of weeks I’ve been getting some emails about not being able to download episodes through iTunes, or even directly off the site. This was due to a robot occupation of my section of the internet. The robots have been arrested and their cameras broken. You can now download the show in peace.

 

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Episode #9 Revolution Tech N9ne

I’m going to be the first to say maybe this was a mistake. But when it’s two in the morning, and you just finished a four-hour drive, everything seems like a good idea.

So please, curl up with, I don’t know, a cat or dog or something, and Episode #9: Revolution Tech N9ne. Reptile owners: don’t curl up with your snake or lizard. You’re weird.

I should probably let you know that I’m reading the Oregon Daily Emerald this morning, during the witching hour. Lots of witching going on. Which witch is the witcher, though? Beats me.

The first time I typed that, it said “Beat me,” which you’re welcome to do if you’re dissatisfied with this episode. But only this one. If you hate the others, tough luck. Beat up your computer.

Episode #9: Revolution Tech N9ne

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Episode #8: Quickly, Kal-El, Quickly

I’m so happy to bring you our first sponsored episode, brought to you by Simple Green. It’s simple. It’s green. Simply buy a ton of it.

Today I’ve got Scoot Herring in the studio apartment, reading the USAToday from yesterday. Expect a butt-ton of verbal judo, because that’s our verbal martial art of choice.

This is one great episode of Jon Reads the Paper. One episode is all you need.

Apologies to Dave Thomas. Both of them.

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