I’m quite glad to have Christen Manville back in the show this week. We hit one of the most nagging topics in my brainspace for quite some time: the fate of Mister Moviefone. I can’t tell you what happened to him; you’ll just have to listen and find out.
Oh, and time-traveling Obama. That is all.
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Oh, hello. Didn’t see you come in.
Hiding something? Behind my back? Oh, this? This is nothing; just a little present.
It’s an episode of Jon Reads the Paper, just sorta threw it together. Thought you might like it.
There’s some pretty interesting news in the world. Some airplanes fell out of the sky and I learned what a duck boat is. And the President announced his support of gay marriage. Shampoo magnate Phil Schallberger joined me to discuss these current events. His insights are all hard-hitting, incisive, and often about Pokemon.
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I’m way excited this week to bring you a new cultural perspective. After many weeks and months of presenting you with the whitebread angle of the Oregonian, I’m proud to launch the Columbian directly at your face (if you consider your ears a part of the face) and give you a whole new whitebread angle for your butt to ruminate on.
Jeff Oliver joins me this week as we navigate underemployment, film concession studies, and the menace behind the wheel we call the elderly. If you’re in the Portland (or Clark County) area, please come down Thursday, April 26 and see us rock your socks off of you at Ground Kontrol for No Pun Intendo.
And Happy Birthday to Packy the Elephant.
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This is a nice, mellow little episode. The Bridgetown Comedy Festival was in town this weekend, and along with it, Seth Milstein. Seth drops by with the Eugene Weekly, which we don’t give too much attention, as we’re having such a pleasant little conversation about life, the universe, and maybe a dash of comedy shop talk.
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It’s only one flipping day into the 2012 Bridgetown Comedy Festival and I am all manner of beat. There’s a billion amazing comics and shows this weekend, and I just got done hanging things on walls and putting ice in things that are meant to hold ice. All that after a morning of job work, and I’ve managed to bring you another crackerjack episode of Jon Reads the Paper to boot.
Bridgetown performer Christian Ricketts joins me today to read the USAToday to discuss Indiana Jones, Tornado Races, and the Snapple Lady. You know you miss her as much as I do. You can see Christian’s performer sched on the sched page of www.BridgetownComedyFestival2012SponsoredByPabstBlueRibbon.com
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I know all of you all have been griping about the lack of sperm talk on this podcast. It’s been weighing heavy on my mind as well. Sperm has been weighing heavy on my mind.
So talking about sperm with me this week is Shane Torres, super fantastick comedian and upcoming Bridgetown Comedy Festival performer. This is the longest episode of Jon Reads the Paper yet, and every minute is pure gold.
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I think that saying too much about this episode could ruin the novelty, which, in the end, is all this episode has. Tim Anderson, Zach Cole, Danny Felts, Bryan Fernando, Iris Gorman, Venu Mattraw, Jimmy Newstetter, Stephanie Purtle, Christian Ricketts, Phil Schallberger, Whitney Streed, and Steven Wilber: Thank you all for going along with it.
And thanks to you, the listener, who actually had a say in the matter and could’ve just turned the episode off.
Unless you did. Then I have nothing to say to you.
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This is definitely an interesting one.
Joining me earlier this week, my special lady friend Blue and my regular manfriend Danny Felts did all manner of paper-reading. Due to time constraints and things getting “too real,” the episode ended on a sorta odd note. Last night, we got together and recorded what became the second half of this week’s Jon Reads the Paper.
I’d be interested to see what all of you all think. Email me, interact on the facebook, and as always, and say nice things on iTunes.
Oh, and stay tuned for a super special episode next week!
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Hi bros and such!
I’m way proud to say that Jon Reads the Paper is now a prize-winning show. Prestige! It’s now “the prize-winning podcast, Jon Reads the Paper.” Keep those e-mails coming, especially the link exchanges and wonderful cash euro prizes.
This week I have the wonderful Jessie McCoy in the studio department with me reading the Asian Reporter. We talk about riding the bus!
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I’m Xtremely happy to have Jen Allen on this week’s episode! We get into the Oregonian, which means there’s plenty of talk of Skull and Bones, Powerball, and Internet Safety. I also get into some weird talk about what’s happening in my work life, which is always a totally professional move to make whilst doing podcasting.
In other housekeeping, I’m urging you fervently to send me your emails! Stories, feedback, general fat-chewing. I want to hear it all!
Oh, and if you wanna hear that This American Life Episode I allude to, you can hear it here. But listen to every episode of my show first.
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Yesterday we recorded a very special Leap Day episode. And keeping with the relevance of Leap Day, we’re reading the Southeast Examiner, which is chock-full of stuff that totally applies to you and me. Watch out for that pool closure!
We also have dual guests this week. Stephanie Purtle, formerly a comic out of Eugene, now a Portland resident. Helping me explain to her the ostentatious mundanity of Portland is Danny Felts, from the Spicy News Network. Make sure to bring your kombucha bottles to the curb for recylcing: it’s time for Jon Reads the Paper!
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Hey Gang!
This week’s episode is brought to you by Shoe City! Come on down for our Post-President’s-Day Sale! Tell ‘em Jon sent you!
Today I’m reading the USAToday with Tynan Delong, and I’m here to say that we really get into it. This week’s news includes Siri, the Oscars, and that unfortunate incident where all Afghanistan burned down.
Get into it! Also, admire our new logo! Write a comment on iTunes and like us on Facebook!
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The Star Wars references (and reverence) hits critical overload this week, with a blast from the past. Rather than produce new content, this episode is a special archival clip from the early years of Jon Reads the Paper, all the way back in 1998, when Lou Bega was a thing.
Joining me this week (in both the present and past tenses) is the perennially nervous Steven Wilber. He’s a very funny man, who is woefully wrong: this episode, controversial as it may be, must see the light of day.
Tune in next week for something less disappointing.
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Happy Football Equivalent of Boxing Day!
Today’s episode was recorded on Superbowl Eve, so we don’t have all the details, but I assure you, we do quite a job of hiding it! So congratulations to the winning team! Wasn’t it crazy when they did that thing that made it a sure thing they’d win? I wish them well in the coming season and hope they return well-rested from whichever Disney theme park they elect to visit.
This week in the studio department I have the illustrious Ian Karmel, man about town. He knows more about sports than I do (it’s a fact), and possibly even more about Star Wars (that’s doubtful). Find him on the Facebook (of which we all now own stock of, right?) and the Twitter.
But seriously, how ’bout that halftime show? They must’ve spent more on codpieces than Rick Santorum does on SEOs (zing).
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It’s a good day to be a podcasting person guy. Continuing from my appearance on the Nobody Showcase earlier this month, I’m bringing on Scoot ‘n’ Troy from Rippletron to read the Oregonian.
Rippletron’s a show I stay on top of that has plenty of crossover guests from past JRTP (and future!) episodes. I’ve been their guest in the past and I’ll be their guest later this week.
But before you abandon this ship for the other, more nerdy, podcast waters, get a load of this rather bulbous episode of paper-reading. Double your guests! Double your fun!
Lastly, get on board with Facebook! I’m making it my own personal goal to say “100 people on Facebook can’t be wrong” at the top of next week’s episode.
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It’s been a moment since I’ve done an episode like this. Lack of planning and schedule alignment have resulted in the first solo Jon Reads the Paper since the debacle of Episode 9.
I’m not sure what there is to say about this episode; I forget most of the things I said in my coffee-addled stupor. I know I’d like to dedicate this episode to my cat, who has been there for me, against her will, this whole time.
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This week I have on the show Nick Walker, who has never button mashed in a Zelda game. We take a vaguely cynical look at hipster culture through the lens of the obscure weekly Chinatown Newspaper, a publication described on its own website as “Hip, edgy, comical, professional, and raw.”
So if you’re looking for hip, edgy, professionally comic rawness, you’re in luck.
Also in this episode, we find out just how much I love to talk about how much I hate the movie “Daredevil.”
It’s a lot.
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This episode brought to you by General Electric and the Mayonnaise Advisory Board-source of the best advice for mayo, from mayo.
I’m very proud to say today’s guest is the nonplussed and political Tom Johnson, of sunny downtown Portland’s Brody Theater! Together we get into the new-sponge-dryness that is the New York Times (or the Old Grey Horsefucker, according to Mr. James Newstetter) and wring out that last bit of funny.
And, in other news, I made an appearance on this Week’s Nobody Showcase with Nic Goans and Campy Draper, who you may remember from our delightful foray into the Wall Street Journal!
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This marks the first episode of Jon Reads the Paper with a high five in it.
Monumental.
Great thanks to my sister Erin Washington for her Jesus Birthday drawing of Jean-Paul StarTrek. Isn’t it nice? Of course it is, don’t be silly.
Also today marks the return of Christen Manville as my guest ghost. This is a good episode. We’ve got cemeteries, cops, Wookiepedia, and insipid sluts.
And as always, be sure to become a fan on facebook, and leave a comment in iTunes. It’s the only way to help me turn the nonbelievers.
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Look out gang, it’s a phantom episode of Jon Reads the Paper!
That’s right, instead of talking about anything actually relevant, I have Jay Jay Menudo in the studio apartment with me to discuss the future. It’s a highly improbable story, torn from the…pages…of the Twilight Zone.
So grab your longboard, sit yourself close to the ipod with a mug of macaroni hot chocolate, and listen to the story of the man in the glass tower, all by himself with his lady friend.
Episode 17: Ray Ray Menudo: Portrait of a Hired Killer [ 43:58 | 30.19 MB ] Play Now | Play in Popup | DownloadFiled under Uncategorized
Hey kids. It’s time for me to tell you the story of how I read the paper.
This week I read The Asian Reporter with Ahmad Radheyyan, who also happened to be holding me under hostage in my apartment at the time. Fresca was had by all.
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For realsies. Go to the Google website and Google internet search “Hand in wheat field” and prepare yourself for that deluge of Getty Images. It is insane. Literally certifiable.
Today’s Jon Reads the Paper brings you Grace Sadie. Join us, won’t you, as we talk about wheat fields, dead giraffes, movies that make us cry, the “no man,” and How to Get the Money.
But we definitely don’t talk about “Crazy Stupid Love.” Definitely not that.
Also, I’m not a Nazi. So stop thinking that.
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The best part of today’s Jon Reads the Paper is at the five-minute mark, when I inform my guests Nick Goans and Campy Draper of the Nobody Showcase that we’ll be reading the Wall Street Journal.
Very quickly it turns out, the joke is on all three of us.
Join us, will you, as we navigate sci-fi, occupy, shake weight, and Tom Cruise’s stolen eyeballs. We’ll be your dungeonmasters through this barrow den we call current events. So be sure to put on your cloak of +1 fun, ’cause fun is the thing we’ll be having.
Also, please feel free to email me at Jon@ReadsthePaper.com and let me know what the heck an IPO is. I act like I know, but I really don’t.
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You thought there would be no paper-reading this week, what with all the Thanksgiving going down. I’m kinda disappointed in you for that.
Don’t worry, though. I’m totally the forgiving type. Here, have an episode of Jon Reads the Paper to make you feel better.
There. Now you see, there wasn’t anything to get all upset about, now was there? Don’t you feel a little silly, getting upset at a website? If not, you should.
So hey, here’s a pre-taped, speculative episode of Jon Reads the Paper for you. On Saturday, Tynan Delong and I went ahead and guessed what would be happening in the news today, and I think you’ll find we’re pretty on the nose about everything.
Enjoy, and happy Thanksgiving!
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There’s a time and a place for everything and now’s not the time for either.
Now’s the time for Jon Reads the Paper. And today, we’re reading Street Roots, which means it’s also time for guilt!
In the apartment with me today is Christian Ricketts, another privileged white male. Join us as we mock the less-fortunate and deny our complicity in this Macarena dance that we call society!
Polio! Stagnant water! Erasers! Turkeys! Beware of all these things this week, on Jon Reads the Paper!
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It’s only just now that I realized that the eleventh episode of Jon Reads the Paper comes out on 11/11/11. Eerie, no?
Today’s episode marks our first return guest ghost, in one Mister James Newstetter. Join us, won’t you, as we read about Occupy Portland, Billy Crystal, Richard Nixon, Thrillings, and grocery store gas stations.
This episode brought to you but the good, totalitarian folks at Evolution Fresh, Inc.
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Buck up, Buttercup!
Things can’t be all that bad if you’ve got yourself an episode of Jon Reads the Paper all up in your grill. Today I’m pleased as punch to bring you a reading of the Oregonian with Christen Manville, preceded by a digression on Zombies and Harry Potter.
A little housekeeping: for the last couple of weeks I’ve been getting some emails about not being able to download episodes through iTunes, or even directly off the site. This was due to a robot occupation of my section of the internet. The robots have been arrested and their cameras broken. You can now download the show in peace.
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I’m going to be the first to say maybe this was a mistake. But when it’s two in the morning, and you just finished a four-hour drive, everything seems like a good idea.
So please, curl up with, I don’t know, a cat or dog or something, and Episode #9: Revolution Tech N9ne. Reptile owners: don’t curl up with your snake or lizard. You’re weird.
I should probably let you know that I’m reading the Oregon Daily Emerald this morning, during the witching hour. Lots of witching going on. Which witch is the witcher, though? Beats me.
The first time I typed that, it said “Beat me,” which you’re welcome to do if you’re dissatisfied with this episode. But only this one. If you hate the others, tough luck. Beat up your computer.
Episode #9: Revolution Tech N9ne
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I’m so happy to bring you our first sponsored episode, brought to you by Simple Green. It’s simple. It’s green. Simply buy a ton of it.
Today I’ve got Scoot Herring in the studio apartment, reading the USAToday from yesterday. Expect a butt-ton of verbal judo, because that’s our verbal martial art of choice.
This is one great episode of Jon Reads the Paper. One episode is all you need.
Apologies to Dave Thomas. Both of them.
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This is a benchmark episode. In honor of National Coming Out Day, on this Jon Reads the Paper, I out myself as a sexist homophobe. Please open up your heart and accept me for the bigot I am.
This week, I’m reading LGBTQ News Magazine Just Out with the always hilarious, never pun-shy, Whitney Streed! This episode was truly a treat, and I assure you, there are more homophones than homophobes in this particular episode.
As always, be sure to find Jon Reads the Paper on iTunes and Fracebook.
And email something, I know not what, to Jon@readsthepaper.com
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They say you should aim to live a life without regrets. Wise words, and I follow them every day.
That said, I have a lot of regrets about this episode.
First and foremost, I regret bringing the handsome and funny Tynan DeLong on this episode. That was a huge mistake.
Secondly, I hugely regret to inform you that there’s now a Facebook Page for Jon Reads the Paper. Like us. Like us like you mean it.
And lastly, I’m incredibly regretful to let you know that Jon Reads the Paper is now available on iTunes. Subscribe. Leave a comment. Force others to do the same.
Oh, and I also feel a light remorse about the Zumba-induced rages I flew into while recording this episode. They weren’t flattering.
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No, Mister Rooney. You lose.
Today I have nobody on the show with me, because I hate people. Most of you can go suck eggs. Yeah, I said it. Don’t be hating.
So it’s just me, reading the USAToday from yesterday. It’s a pretty good one. If you were ever curious about how I felt about hackers, girls kissing girls on airplanes, or the fall television season, you are truly in for a treat.
Otherwise, you can go ahead and do the egg thing, like I asked.
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Today’s episode was a struggle. Truly a battle.
For starters, I’d planned to read the Portland Community College student paper my illustrious guest Steven Wilber. Sadly, people at community college are remarkably lazy, and let things like “summer vacation” get in the way of their publication schedule.
So instead, we read hippie newspaper Alternatives. And I assure you, we have plenty to say. I’m still trying to get my finger on what exactly happens at Breitenbush Hot Springs.
Lastly, a word of warning about the audio quality this week: it’s rotten. The first half of the episode is remarkably perfect, but for the second half we decided to broadcast from the abyss RobotWorld.
So hey, enjoy this episode if you have the fortitude.
Yours, from the abyss,
Jon.
Episode 4: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Faer [ 56:00 | 38.45 MB ] Play Now | Play in Popup | DownloadFiled under Uncategorized
I’ll totally write a blurb about this amazing episode once I get back from work which is where I should be right now.
Today’s episode is a super-amazing episode with the super-amazing Jimmy Newsletter!
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Today’s episode sees Nick Walker riding shotgun as we fumble our way through the New York Times and slowly realize that there’s not much about the Old Grey Lady to make fun of.
Again, if you want to send in any letters, news stories, or demands for apologies,just send me an e-mail.
As always, check up on me on the twitter, and keep your eyes open for a facebook fan page!
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So hello to you all.
This is the first episode of Jon Reads the Paper, in which I’ll be reading the day’s newspaper into a microphone. I won’t really be doing much else than that.
Today I’m reading the USAToday from Tuesday, August 23 with Mister Shawn Fleek of The Mental State Department. So sit back with a glass of an appropriate beverage, and think back to where you were…yesterday.
Oh, and be sure to leave a comment, email me any interesting news stories, find me on twitter, and so on.
Episode 1: Don't Trust the French. All 400 of them [ 43:13 | 29.67 MB ] Play Now | Play in Popup | DownloadFiled under Uncategorized
