Hi people one day in the future from yesterday and four days from Thanksgiving! Did you have a good Thanksgiving, which was three days ago yesterday, when I was thinking about how you might respond to this question about how your Thanksgiving was?
And a Hearty Hallowumbus to you too! Coming straight at you from two days in the past, it’s yesterday’s news. Join my self and Nariko Ott as we devote most of our conversation to the intense battle between Homeland and The Good Wife. WHO WILL WIN?*
*We all of us win.
Joining me this week are Comedy Palz Jimmy Newstetter and Christian Ricketts who are both empirically the best. You might remember them from comedy and being on this podcast other times. And for their charity work!
As we get nearer to 100 episodes, I’d like to engineer some sort of milestone episode for #100. Some big-deal sort of thing. Perhaps a fireworks episode? Jon reads the fireworks packaging.
I had to search and make sure I didn’t title another episode “Any Given Sunday,” because it’s such a bad title I surely had used it by now. But here it is. All original.
I made sure.
I Googled it.
Maybe my favorite tag on any joke is when the comic says that. Because entering the joke as you tell it, word-for-word, into a search engine is an airtight way to be sure that somebody didn’t come up with the same joke.
That was my two-sentence rant about amateur comedy. Enjoy the podcast!
I’m way sorry if this is how you have to hear the news. On a podcast. That you can’t take your gun into the Starbucks anymore. It’s fiercely uncool and totally impinging on my ability to be a free American. Yours too.
I guess all we can do is pick up the pieces and carry on. So carry along with us. Whitney Streed joins me this week as we discuss guns, the Pope, and the lack of coverage of Kenya (it turns out you can’t cover news that hasn’t happened yet).
Oh, and come to Helium on Thursday, September 19 for the Host Auditions. I am one of the select few and somewhat-proud.
I’m also quite excited to say we have a new sponsor on this week’s episode. I might recommend checking out our previous sponsored episode, #26: Shoe City, because, well, it’s not necessary but it provides context.
Otherwise, keep it etc!
This time, I sidelined the news, and we read Choose Your Own Adventure book #39: SUPERCOMPUTER. My wonderful panel includes Brian Nickerson, Jason Traeger, Joann Schinderle, Dan Weber, Jimmy Newstetter, Shane Torres and Steven Wilber.
Enjoy it or something!
Super Fantastic episode this week! I’ve been meaning to get her on the show, and finally, via the miracle of Skype, I present my rad and talented sister Erin! Any slowness to the conversation is my fault; I thought it would be funny to try and delay talking about the newspaper for as long as I could, essentially stalling the episode on purpose.
What results is a typical conversation I have with my sister. And those are my favorite conversations.
This week, I finally get Marissa Louise on the show. She’s an excellent illustrator, a former co-worker, and all-around great person. We talk about Ed Snowden, independent film, and wingmen. I’m fairly certain I fail to explain all these things. Enjoy it!
This week, the delightful Jeremy Eli (I don’t have a link for him, but…you know) jumps into the fray to untangle Carlos Danger, Danica Patrick, and BEARS. Truly, this is the most terrifying episode of Jon Reads the Paper.
Please and enjoy and such.
What a super time we had on this week’s episode! For some reason during the episode I try to make the guests a surprise, but for the sake of backlinks (if I used that term correctly; I probably did not) I will name them and say that I had a great time with Barbara Holm and Christian Ricketts. I don’t know what more there is to say in these notes other than, you know, follow me on twitter and write a review on the ol’ iTunes.
SHOW NOTES TO FOLLOW! JUST ENJOY THE GOODNESS
HULLO. This is a hyper-interesting episode of Jon Reads the Paper. This week I take my first call, and not just any call, but an interview with a Newsmaker, in what I like to call our new NEWSMAKERS segment. Please tweet at me or email at me whatcha think of the variety of format; I’d love to know how much you love it.
Super Special Thanks to:
Everyone else can go soak their respective heads.
Another week, another newspaper inches closer to its fate. The Oregonian recently announced huge cutbacks on staff and delivery frequency as print media flops around and tries to figure out what’s up. Blithely criticizing it with me this week is Zak Toscani, comedian and all-around good folk. Enjoy!
This was a gosh-darned fun episode to do. This week we have Curtis Cook in the building, talking about the Pacific Northwest and our collective desire to leave. Please check out Curtis; he’s doing some of my favorite comedy in town these days.
Those days, not so much.
It’s always hard when your favorite character leaves a show. This episode is a tearful goodbye to great guest and great guy Jeff Oliver, who was not just a character on this show, but a a character IN OUR LIVES.
Otherwise, please come to Helium Friday, June 7, at 7:30 for my preliminary round of the Portland’s Funniest Person Contest. It’s a real thing. That can’t be denied. Email me if you wanna go for free.
This week I step into the octagon with Shane Torres, all-around good guy. I’m not sure what else to say here; we pretty much say everything in the show. Enjoy it; it’s one of the good ones! (There are no bad ones, though)
Nick Walker joins me in a monumental task in Jon Reads the Paper history. This week, I’ve been afforded an amazing opportunity in the “journalism” world. I can’t say much more and you should probably just enjoy the episode instead of reading these notes that nobody reads.
Sometimes I’m not sure if there is a point to the show notes. If you read the show notes, and email me, I will send you a quarter of a dollar. That’s twenty-five cents American.
This week I have Art Santana on for a chat. He works at Ground Kontrol, one of my favorite places in Portland! We talk about the shape apple pie comes in and eating cinnamon and just food and its extremes in general. It was a genial time. Come get genial with us, won’t you?
I don’t know what to say. It’s been a stellar weekend for me. The 2013 Bridgetown Comedy festival has come and passed, and now I’m posting a podcast from during it. As far as I can tell, a big part of Bridgetown is comics doing one another’s podcast during the daytime as they recover from the daydrinking of the day before.
Emmett Montgomery joins me this week in splendor! He dresses like a classy whaler and is truly a delight of a human being.
We are mere days away from Bridgetown (my first as a performer). Every sort of pride, stress, excitement and joy to be found in Portland comedy is this coming weekend. If you’re in town, check it out. There’s no better opportunity to see some of Portland’s best mixed in with the whole nation’s best. And Nature’s Best as well.
Otherwise, check out my schedule for the weekend to see when you can catch some greatness. Unoficially, you can also see me at midnight at Ground Kontrol on the 18th, with other Bridgetowners Gabe Dinger, Andrew Orvedahl, and Jake Weisman, and hosted by none other than Ian.
Let’s not make every post the “I haven’t posted here in a while” post. I’ma get better about punctuality.
Part of why this episode took so long was schedule calibration. Like a month ago, I had Nic Goans on the show, but the episode just wasn’t my favorite (a lot of intermittent crying, most of it unplanned) so I wanted a do-over. And here it is, and it is well worth the wait. Enjoy it nonetheless.
I want you to know this was the first time I ever spelled “nonetheless” right the first time.
This was quite probably one of the most fun episodes I’ve done. There was plenty in the news what with that broken boat and the pope quit and the President made a speech. Navigating these stagnant waters with me this week is Anthony Lopez, one of the funniest people I know.
Oh, and I forgot to mention what happened with the live episode on this episode. Maybe next episode. Great, now I’m having an episode. ACK!
That last paragraph was a “Cathy” cartoon strip.
I’m experiencing a lot of guilt about how long I sat on this episode. I may or may not have mentioned, but I moved a couple of weeks ago, and I haven’t yet set up internet service. The building I moved into provides a free–but very slow–connection, and it can’t handle uploading a 45-megabyte file.
Still, this week’s episode is a great one. I’m happy to have Campy Draper (producer of the Spicy News and recent progenitor of Tweets of Lore) and Mandy Alietta (also of the Spicy News and general awesomeness) on the show this week.
And, if you haven’t made your plan for this Thursday yet, write in the second ever Live Taping of Jon Reads the Paper into your calendar! It’s gonna be quite rad.
Right now I’m in a crepe place and I came here thinking it would be more of a cafe but it seems like more of a sit down and have dinner or have dessert when you’re the kinda person who treats dessert as its own separate outing like you ate at home but you went out for dessert kind of place. And on top of that, there’s only one outlet in here and it’s right next to the one other person in here so I’m just right over her shoulder frantically ticking and ticking and ticking away at this keyboard I bet it’s really cheesing her off.
Very happy to have Alex Falcone on the show, who was nice enough to let me use his equipment. Kind of made me feel like I was on his show, Read it and Weep. (What a seamless plug!) Joining as well is Barbara Holm, who writes on Falcone’s Late Night Action and is a delightful person to boot!
And remember: the second live taping of Jon Reads the Paper goes down Thursday, February 7 at the Tonic Lounge! Be at there!
Such goodness this week. According to massive media, you’re all sick with the flu. So once you’re sick of all that sweet sweet daytime television programming, why not pump a little Jon Reads the Paper into your system?
In the good news department, I’m happy to announce the second ever live taping of Jon Reads the Paper! Thursday, February 7, at the Tonic Lounge in sunny Portland! Tell your friends! Stay tuned for the lineup!
Otherwise, make sure to write a review on iTunes, as always!
You’re just not.
Coming back at you, in full force, it’s one more episode of Jon Reads the Paper! This week I’ve got Gabe Dinger and Christian Ricketts joining me. It gets fun. It gets serious. It gets somewhere in between. Truly I enjoyed this episode, as you will. By force. You have to enjoy this podcast.
You also have to leave a review on iTunes.
And you have to like us on Facebook.
The Sunday New York Times is insane. It turns out there’s a lot of news that’s fit to print. We didn’t even get to any of the stuff by that puzzle dude from the radio.
Marcia Belksy joins me this week as we talk about the Apocalypse, death, murder, murderdeath, and Facebook. Truly it was a delight.
The other week, I was about to get in a car with some other comics to do a show out of town, and almost took my mic and laptop with me, thinking: “Four funny people in a car? That’s a podcast.” Sometimes I’m about to go to the grocery, and I think: “Hey, maybe I should make a podcast of this.” I’m still deciding whether or not to release the running commentary I recorded while pulling an ingrown hair.
This week, we’ve got Chuck Frederickson of the Chuck N Buck Show, which you can go see at Dante’s every Tuesday at 10. This coming Tuesday, I’ll be on the bill as the comedian guest. In other news, always be sure to email the show,
and leave butt-tons of compliments on iTunes!
Laugh all you want at these sexy nurse Halloween costumes, but god forbid you get in a sexy automobile accident and need a sexy blood transfusion. Ha ha ha. But seriously. We’re deep into the fall, the election’s just puttering away, and omigawd I’m putting pumpkin in everything.
This week sees the delightful Andie Main joining me on such topics as Big Bird, Botox, Boy Scouts and Gentleman Giraffes. It was a delightful chat. There were even callbacks! And animal death. Lots of animal death.
So how about that debate last night? I didn’t watch it, but I’m loving these memes. Can’t get enough of these memes. As soon as I walked into that bar, and they were playing the after-the-debate coverage, I knew this would be one meme-worthy debate. And boy howdy, did the internet prove me right!
Oh, and during the debate, I was doing this podcast with Nick Walker. He was funny. We both was funny, really. Get down!
I can only apologize so many times. We skipped last week due to geographical shift and general laziness. But this week’s Jon reads the Paper is way thematically appropriate!
New Roommate and General Good Guy Phil Schallberger joins me as I read the Oregonian that shows up on our porch mysteriously every day. It’s like that show “Morning Edition,” except we get the same paper that everybody else does. Listen to us delve through the mire of election politics! It’s fun of course!
This week, I have long-time listener, first-time caller Zak Toscani on the show. It’s a good one. We talk about Harry Potter, Green Day, and No Doubt. You know, important stuff. And we only digress into Portland Comedy talk like twice!
I hope you have the time of your lives, listeners.
This week I have little friend of the show Tynan Delong on, after way too long. Get as much of this kid as you can; he’s moving to New York soon and you’ll want to be able to say you knew him when he was in short pants. They’ve got a weird dress code thing in NYC. Keep yourselves glued to the Facebook and my Twitter; I’ll soon be announcing a second live episode of the show. Excitement! And again, thanks for bearing with the rather erratic schedule of the show as of late!
Hi persons, places and things! After one busy week off, I’m throwing you a rare, shambling orphan episode! It’s been like six months since I’ve done this, but I bring you one more guestless episode, in honor of what I thought was the year anniversary of the show.
I’m in the process of a move, and admittedly, have been very spotty at getting episodes of the show done. This might continue through to October, but please bear with me as I slowly right the ship. We will be sailing ahead at full steam as Fall comes upon us.
For now, enjoy and stuff.
It’s so great to bring you today’s episode, recorded live at the Tonic Lounge on a dimming August 22nd evening.
This show went very well and I totally didn’t have any stress dreams about the sound not working or the microphones turning into butter. Luckily, you can at least faintly catch the audience’s approval, along with the tinkling keys of Mr. Ira Novos, who randomly appeared like so many wild Pokemon.
Of course I’d like to thank Danny Felts, Stephanie Purtle, Kyle Harbert, Jessie McCoy, Christian Rickets, Whitney Streed, Gabe Dinger and Ian Karmel for coming out. Email Me your feedbacks, and hopefully we’ll be seeing another live show come around real soon!
I’ve been quite excited to have this week’s guest, Nathan Brannon, on the show. When I started doing comedy in Portland, he was one of the most funny and relatable voices I found on the local scene. In the last year and a half, I’ve only seen him get bigger and better. Enjoy!
In other news, tonight’s the night! Jon Reads the Paper Live on Ice is happening at the Tonic Lounge at 9:30. Come out! It’ll be good. If you’re out of state or don’t know what’s good for you or something, the episode will be up next week. Even the Portland Mercury and Oregonlive recognize my rad-ness! Excitement!
People! Yes! Today’s episode brings our first look at the Wall Street Journal since Nic and Campy and I tackled it like before last Christmas.
Delving into the abyss with me is the always-game Arthur Hickman. This is a grand old episode that I have nothing bad to say about until maybe later when I finally listen to it.
Otherwise, get yourself in gear for Wednesday’s Jon Reads the Paper Live on Ice! We’ve recieved brief writeups in both the Mercury and on OregonLive’s Hotlist. It’s going to be great; I’ve been having weird dreams about it not working out!
This is something of a tardy episode. But then again, it’s also an episode where we talk a bit about Linkin Park. So, you know, angst and tardiness go hand in hand.
This week I have the irascible Dan Duncan on the mic. We go over the Oregonian, talking fluoride, Olympics, and Shark Week. I hope you get this as it’s coming out, because I’d like to imagine you tucked in bed and listening in your jammies. Not in a weird way; just a mildly distressing way.
And, of course, remember that Jon Reads the Paper Live on Ice happens in less than two weeks! We’d love to see all of you there!
So mostly this week we talk about the Hobbit. I mean, three movies? What the hell? This week I have Scoot Herring in the basement. Be sure to check out Rippletron, and his yet-to-be-titled Dungeons and Dragons project.
And our live show is coming up soon! August 22nd, 9:30pm at the Tonic Lounge in Portland! It’s going to be quite rad.
What a pleasant surprise this week’s episode is. I walked away from recording yesterday with a sense of dissatisfaction that I misinterpreted as being me not liking the result of a very odd chat with Steven Wilber and Mandie Allietta. It turns out that dissatisfaction came from my realization that I’d have to now return to the boring hum-drum of everyday life. So here it is, world: an hour of reprieve from your dull-ass lives.
This week, I talk about cancer, blood, death and onions with Sean Jordan. I think we keep it relatively light; it was hard to find a positive spin on all that onion stuff.
Oh my goodness. It’s America’s birthday and I couldn’t be more in observance of it. But today, as you nurse your corn and potato salad hangovers, treat yourself to a little Jon Reads the Paper. Listen while you mow the lawn down to sort of match the burned-away patches from those illegal fireworks you didn’t take much time thinking of placement before you set them off.
Jimmy Newstetter guests.
Don’t make him angry. Listen to the episode.
And so we have the second appearance of the great Shane Torres on the podcats. If you haven’t listened to Shane’s first episode, please enjoy that one at your leisure. It’s one of my favorites for our ability to both make laughs and keep it real.
This episode leans more towards the real, so prepare yourself for that. Still, there’s a lot of stuff about Elmo and basketball, so be ready for some megalaffs.
Throw out your iPads, all of them you own. There’s a new tablet in town, and it’s quite set to gently blow your mind.
It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Pride! Living in the liberal burg of Portland certainly helps put Pride at the forefront of my awareness. It’s finally sunny out, perfect parade weather. And you all know how devoted to parades I am.
This week I have “Portland’s Funniest Person” semifinalist Xander Deveaux on the show to discuss the Portland Mercury’s Pride Issue. We talk about marriage, mainly, since that’s the topic the Mercury decided to focus on as well. Antics! I mostly worry myself about being insensitive. It’s fun!
I really feel like we broke through this week. It’s been 37 episodes since I last tried to mine the Old Grey Horsefucker for humor laffs. That episode came off fine, if a bit uneasy and dry. Now I know that the problem was me all along, because this week Whitney Streed and I did it! We read the New York Times and at least made one another giggle consistently. So I guess I’m saying I hope you’re into consistent giggling, because it’s going to be a bit part of the next sixty minutes of your life.
And I mentioned it at the end of the show, but next Friday, June 8th, is Helium’s Portland’s Funniest Person Contest. It’s a contest, which means it’s super-relevant and important. Come on out; my round is at 7:30. Mention my name when you call for tickets and get two for ten bucks. Or e-mail me an e-mail to try and get on the comp list!
Sometimes you try to do a good thing. You try to help out a couple of old-timer comics making their way through a press junket by having them on your show. And sometimes they razz you. And that’s just not okay.
I have a lot of conflicted feelings about this week’s episode. A lot. But I decided to be the bigger man, and put the episode out. Were they jerks? Was I overreacting? You decide. There’s only one right answer, but you decide.
Oh, hello. Didn’t see you come in.
Hiding something? Behind my back? Oh, this? This is nothing; just a little present.
It’s an episode of Jon Reads the Paper, just sorta threw it together. Thought you might like it.
There’s some pretty interesting news in the world. Some airplanes fell out of the sky and I learned what a duck boat is. And the President announced his support of gay marriage. Shampoo magnate Phil Schallberger joined me to discuss these current events. His insights are all hard-hitting, incisive, and often about Pokemon.
I’m way excited this week to bring you a new cultural perspective. After many weeks and months of presenting you with the whitebread angle of the Oregonian, I’m proud to launch the Columbian directly at your face (if you consider your ears a part of the face) and give you a whole new whitebread angle for your butt to ruminate on.
Jeff Oliver joins me this week as we navigate underemployment, film concession studies, and the menace behind the wheel we call the elderly. If you’re in the Portland (or Clark County) area, please come down Thursday, April 26 and see us rock your socks off of you at Ground Kontrol for No Pun Intendo.
And Happy Birthday to Packy the Elephant.
This is a nice, mellow little episode. The Bridgetown Comedy Festival was in town this weekend, and along with it, Seth Milstein. Seth drops by with the Eugene Weekly, which we don’t give too much attention, as we’re having such a pleasant little conversation about life, the universe, and maybe a dash of comedy shop talk.
It’s only one flipping day into the 2012 Bridgetown Comedy Festival and I am all manner of beat. There’s a billion amazing comics and shows this weekend, and I just got done hanging things on walls and putting ice in things that are meant to hold ice. All that after a morning of job work, and I’ve managed to bring you another crackerjack episode of Jon Reads the Paper to boot.
Bridgetown performer Christian Ricketts joins me today to read the USAToday to discuss Indiana Jones, Tornado Races, and the Snapple Lady. You know you miss her as much as I do. You can see Christian’s performer sched on the sched page of www.BridgetownComedyFestival2012SponsoredByPabstBlueRibbon.com
So talking about sperm with me this week is Shane Torres, super fantastick comedian and upcoming Bridgetown Comedy Festival performer. This is the longest episode of Jon Reads the Paper yet, and every minute is pure gold.
I think that saying too much about this episode could ruin the novelty, which, in the end, is all this episode has. Tim Anderson, Zach Cole, Danny Felts, Bryan Fernando, Iris Gorman, Venu Mattraw, Jimmy Newstetter, Stephanie Purtle, Christian Ricketts, Phil Schallberger, Whitney Streed, and Steven Wilber: Thank you all for going along with it.
And thanks to you, the listener, who actually had a say in the matter and could’ve just turned the episode off.
Unless you did. Then I have nothing to say to you.
Hi bros and such!
I’m way proud to say that Jon Reads the Paper is now a prize-winning show. Prestige! It’s now “the prize-winning podcast, Jon Reads the Paper.” Keep those e-mails coming, especially the link exchanges and wonderful cash euro prizes.
I’m Xtremely happy to have Jen Allen on this week’s episode! We get into the Oregonian, which means there’s plenty of talk of Skull and Bones, Powerball, and Internet Safety. I also get into some weird talk about what’s happening in my work life, which is always a totally professional move to make whilst doing podcasting.
In other housekeeping, I’m urging you fervently to send me your emails! Stories, feedback, general fat-chewing. I want to hear it all!
Oh, and if you wanna hear that This American Life Episode I allude to, you can hear it here. But listen to every episode of my show first.
Yesterday we recorded a very special Leap Day episode. And keeping with the relevance of Leap Day, we’re reading the Southeast Examiner, which is chock-full of stuff that totally applies to you and me. Watch out for that pool closure!
We also have dual guests this week. Stephanie Purtle, formerly a comic out of Eugene, now a Portland resident. Helping me explain to her the ostentatious mundanity of Portland is Danny Felts, from the Spicy News Network. Make sure to bring your kombucha bottles to the curb for recylcing: it’s time for Jon Reads the Paper!
This week’s episode is brought to you by Shoe City! Come on down for our Post-President’s-Day Sale! Tell ‘em Jon sent you!
Today I’m reading the USAToday with Tynan Delong, and I’m here to say that we really get into it. This week’s news includes Siri, the Oscars, and that unfortunate incident where all Afghanistan burned down.
The Star Wars references (and reverence) hits critical overload this week, with a blast from the past. Rather than produce new content, this episode is a special archival clip from the early years of Jon Reads the Paper, all the way back in 1998, when Lou Bega was a thing.
Joining me this week (in both the present and past tenses) is the perennially nervous Steven Wilber. He’s a very funny man, who is woefully wrong: this episode, controversial as it may be, must see the light of day.
Tune in next week for something less disappointing.
Happy Football Equivalent of Boxing Day!
Today’s episode was recorded on Superbowl Eve, so we don’t have all the details, but I assure you, we do quite a job of hiding it! So congratulations to the winning team! Wasn’t it crazy when they did that thing that made it a sure thing they’d win? I wish them well in the coming season and hope they return well-rested from whichever Disney theme park they elect to visit.
This week in the studio department I have the illustrious Ian Karmel, man about town. He knows more about sports than I do (it’s a fact), and possibly even more about Star Wars (that’s doubtful). Find him on the Facebook (of which we all now own stock of, right?) and the Twitter.
But seriously, how ’bout that halftime show? They must’ve spent more on codpieces than Rick Santorum does on SEOs (zing).
It’s a good day to be a podcasting person guy. Continuing from my appearance on the Nobody Showcase earlier this month, I’m bringing on Scoot ‘n’ Troy from Rippletron to read the Oregonian.
Rippletron’s a show I stay on top of that has plenty of crossover guests from past JRTP (and future!) episodes. I’ve been their guest in the past and I’ll be their guest later this week.
But before you abandon this ship for the other, more nerdy, podcast waters, get a load of this rather bulbous episode of paper-reading. Double your guests! Double your fun!
Lastly, get on board with Facebook! I’m making it my own personal goal to say “100 people on Facebook can’t be wrong” at the top of next week’s episode.
It’s been a moment since I’ve done an episode like this. Lack of planning and schedule alignment have resulted in the first solo Jon Reads the Paper since the debacle of Episode 9.
I’m not sure what there is to say about this episode; I forget most of the things I said in my coffee-addled stupor. I know I’d like to dedicate this episode to my cat, who has been there for me, against her will, this whole time.
This week I have on the show Nick Walker, who has never button mashed in a Zelda game. We take a vaguely cynical look at hipster culture through the lens of the obscure weekly Chinatown Newspaper, a publication described on its own website as “Hip, edgy, comical, professional, and raw.”
So if you’re looking for hip, edgy, professionally comic rawness, you’re in luck.
Also in this episode, we find out just how much I love to talk about how much I hate the movie “Daredevil.”
It’s a lot.
This episode brought to you by General Electric and the Mayonnaise Advisory Board-source of the best advice for mayo, from mayo.
I’m very proud to say today’s guest is the nonplussed and political Tom Johnson, of sunny downtown Portland’s Brody Theater! Together we get into the new-sponge-dryness that is the New York Times (or the Old Grey Horsefucker, according to Mr. James Newstetter) and wring out that last bit of funny.
And, in other news, I made an appearance on this Week’s Nobody Showcase with Nic Goans and Campy Draper, who you may remember from our delightful foray into the Wall Street Journal!
Great thanks to my sister Erin Washington for her Jesus Birthday drawing of Jean-Paul StarTrek. Isn’t it nice? Of course it is, don’t be silly.
Also today marks the return of Christen Manville as my guest ghost. This is a good episode. We’ve got cemeteries, cops, Wookiepedia, and insipid sluts.
For realsies. Go to the Google website and Google internet search “Hand in wheat field” and prepare yourself for that deluge of Getty Images. It is insane. Literally certifiable.
Today’s Jon Reads the Paper brings you Grace Sadie. Join us, won’t you, as we talk about wheat fields, dead giraffes, movies that make us cry, the “no man,” and How to Get the Money.
But we definitely don’t talk about “Crazy Stupid Love.” Definitely not that.
Also, I’m not a Nazi. So stop thinking that.
The best part of today’s Jon Reads the Paper is at the five-minute mark, when I inform my guests Nick Goans and Campy Draper of the Nobody Showcase that we’ll be reading the Wall Street Journal.
Very quickly it turns out, the joke is on all three of us.
Join us, will you, as we navigate sci-fi, occupy, shake weight, and Tom Cruise’s stolen eyeballs. We’ll be your dungeonmasters through this barrow den we call current events. So be sure to put on your cloak of +1 fun, ’cause fun is the thing we’ll be having.
Also, please feel free to email me at Jon@ReadsthePaper.com and let me know what the heck an IPO is. I act like I know, but I really don’t.
Don’t worry, though. I’m totally the forgiving type. Here, have an episode of Jon Reads the Paper to make you feel better.
There. Now you see, there wasn’t anything to get all upset about, now was there? Don’t you feel a little silly, getting upset at a website? If not, you should.
So hey, here’s a pre-taped, speculative episode of Jon Reads the Paper for you. On Saturday, Tynan Delong and I went ahead and guessed what would be happening in the news today, and I think you’ll find we’re pretty on the nose about everything.
Enjoy, and happy Thanksgiving!
There’s a time and a place for everything and now’s not the time for either.
Now’s the time for Jon Reads the Paper. And today, we’re reading Street Roots, which means it’s also time for guilt!
In the apartment with me today is Christian Ricketts, another privileged white male. Join us as we mock the less-fortunate and deny our complicity in this Macarena dance that we call society!
Polio! Stagnant water! Erasers! Turkeys! Beware of all these things this week, on Jon Reads the Paper!
It’s only just now that I realized that the eleventh episode of Jon Reads the Paper comes out on 11/11/11. Eerie, no?
Today’s episode marks our first return guest ghost, in one Mister James Newstetter. Join us, won’t you, as we read about Occupy Portland, Billy Crystal, Richard Nixon, Thrillings, and grocery store gas stations.
This episode brought to you but the good, totalitarian folks at Evolution Fresh, Inc.
Buck up, Buttercup!
Things can’t be all that bad if you’ve got yourself an episode of Jon Reads the Paper all up in your grill. Today I’m pleased as punch to bring you a reading of the Oregonian with Christen Manville, preceded by a digression on Zombies and Harry Potter.
A little housekeeping: for the last couple of weeks I’ve been getting some emails about not being able to download episodes through iTunes, or even directly off the site. This was due to a robot occupation of my section of the internet. The robots have been arrested and their cameras broken. You can now download the show in peace.
I’m going to be the first to say maybe this was a mistake. But when it’s two in the morning, and you just finished a four-hour drive, everything seems like a good idea.
So please, curl up with, I don’t know, a cat or dog or something, and Episode #9: Revolution Tech N9ne. Reptile owners: don’t curl up with your snake or lizard. You’re weird.
I should probably let you know that I’m reading the Oregon Daily Emerald this morning, during the witching hour. Lots of witching going on. Which witch is the witcher, though? Beats me.
The first time I typed that, it said “Beat me,” which you’re welcome to do if you’re dissatisfied with this episode. But only this one. If you hate the others, tough luck. Beat up your computer.
I’m so happy to bring you our first sponsored episode, brought to you by Simple Green. It’s simple. It’s green. Simply buy a ton of it.
Today I’ve got Scoot Herring in the studio apartment, reading the USAToday from yesterday. Expect a butt-ton of verbal judo, because that’s our verbal martial art of choice.
This is one great episode of Jon Reads the Paper. One episode is all you need.
Apologies to Dave Thomas. Both of them.
This is a benchmark episode. In honor of National Coming Out Day, on this Jon Reads the Paper, I out myself as a sexist homophobe. Please open up your heart and accept me for the bigot I am.
This week, I’m reading LGBTQ News Magazine Just Out with the always hilarious, never pun-shy, Whitney Streed! This episode was truly a treat, and I assure you, there are more homophones than homophobes in this particular episode.
And email something, I know not what, to Jon@readsthepaper.com
They say you should aim to live a life without regrets. Wise words, and I follow them every day.
That said, I have a lot of regrets about this episode.
First and foremost, I regret bringing the handsome and funny Tynan DeLong on this episode. That was a huge mistake.
Secondly, I hugely regret to inform you that there’s now a Facebook Page for Jon Reads the Paper. Like us. Like us like you mean it.
And lastly, I’m incredibly regretful to let you know that Jon Reads the Paper is now available on iTunes. Subscribe. Leave a comment. Force others to do the same.
Oh, and I also feel a light remorse about the Zumba-induced rages I flew into while recording this episode. They weren’t flattering.
No, Mister Rooney. You lose.
Today I have nobody on the show with me, because I hate people. Most of you can go suck eggs. Yeah, I said it. Don’t be hating.
So it’s just me, reading the USAToday from yesterday. It’s a pretty good one. If you were ever curious about how I felt about hackers, girls kissing girls on airplanes, or the fall television season, you are truly in for a treat.
Otherwise, you can go ahead and do the egg thing, like I asked.
Today’s episode was a struggle. Truly a battle.
For starters, I’d planned to read the Portland Community College student paper my illustrious guest Steven Wilber. Sadly, people at community college are remarkably lazy, and let things like “summer vacation” get in the way of their publication schedule.
So instead, we read hippie newspaper Alternatives. And I assure you, we have plenty to say. I’m still trying to get my finger on what exactly happens at Breitenbush Hot Springs.
Lastly, a word of warning about the audio quality this week: it’s rotten. The first half of the episode is remarkably perfect, but for the second half we decided to broadcast from the abyss RobotWorld.
So hey, enjoy this episode if you have the fortitude.
Yours, from the abyss,
I’ll totally write a blurb about this amazing episode once I get back from work which is where I should be right now.
Today’s episode is a super-amazing episode with the super-amazing Jimmy Newsletter!
Today’s episode sees Nick Walker riding shotgun as we fumble our way through the New York Times and slowly realize that there’s not much about the Old Grey Lady to make fun of.
Again, if you want to send in any letters, news stories, or demands for apologies,just send me an e-mail.
As always, check up on me on the twitter, and keep your eyes open for a facebook fan page!
So hello to you all.
This is the first episode of Jon Reads the Paper, in which I’ll be reading the day’s newspaper into a microphone. I won’t really be doing much else than that.
Today I’m reading the USAToday from Tuesday, August 23 with Mister Shawn Fleek of The Mental State Department. So sit back with a glass of an appropriate beverage, and think back to where you were…yesterday.